The other day on 60 Minutes they had a story about a class of gun that seems so incredibly powerful there is no good reason for them to be legal. Therefore I want one. I’m referring to the 50 caliber “BMG” long rifle. A bullet from one of these guns, fired from one MILE away, will do as much damage to you as a .44 magnum at point blank range. Think about that. They’re accurate to about half a mile to a mile or so without investing more than 1.2 Tommys* of effort and are fairly affordable, starting around $2,000 or so. You can also easily finance them through a variety of sites in case you really need to kill a couple people before next pay day.
So don’t piss me off.
I don’t typically like guns or find them interesting, but lately I’ve gotten the feeling that my luck so far living in the hood is going to run out one day and I should be prepared. Plus I feel like a dickless loser reading about koi so guns are a valuable stand in. Then again, if I do pull up at my apartment to find the garage door torn apart and a bunch of putos struggling to put my TV into their Mazda pickup, I doubt I’d have time to make a u-turn, set up my car two blocks away with the trunk lid open and turn them into a pink cloud of crushed bone and bloody mist. Though I’d love to have a story like that to tell later on.
* A “Tommy” of effort is equal to the amount of work you put in during the first one or two weeks after getting a new toy, such as a digital camera or a trampoline; the time during which you are really interested in it and want to learn all you can. Typically it’s hard for me to muster more than one period of this consecutively, hence the name.