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STR8BLOGGIN » 2005 » August

Archive for August, 2005

Under-reported Positive Things About the New Orleans Disaster

Tuesday, August 30th, 2005

I need some help completing my list.

No more worries about reckless, troublemaking Mardi Gras partiers!
Great shrimping for the next few years! Shrimp LOVE human corpses.
Get to see some of the old relatives that you haven’t seen in a while. While they float down the street after having popped out of their place in the cemetary.
Fantastic new skylights in the Superdome roof.
The urban children all got new TVs.
Tons of new water front property. ALL of the city is water front property at this point.
French Quarter won’t smell like piss! It will smell more like death.
If you’ve ever wanted a houseboat..

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Just a thought

Tuesday, August 30th, 2005

I heard a quote a long time ago that really comes to mind as I watch this coverage of the New Orleans disaster: “The things that really fuck you up in life you can’t plan for.” College, cars, your rep, none of it matters. One night a storm blows in and your whole life is washed away.

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Katrina is such a bitch

Tuesday, August 30th, 2005

It’s getting so bad in New Orleans that the National Guard is having to ration out the meager food supplies:

Update: I’d rather live in a world infested by brain-eating zombies than have to read updates like this:

****ALL RESIDENTS ON THE EAST BANK OF ORLEANS AND JEFFERSON REMAINING IN THE METRO AREA ARE BEING TOLD TO EVACUATE AS EFFORTS TO SANDBAG THE LEVEE BREAK HAVE ENDED. THE PUMPS IN THAT AREA ARE EXPECTED TO FAIL SOON AND 12-15 FEET OF WATER ARE EXPECTED IN THE ENTIRE EAST BANK.****
Jeff Parish President. Residents will probably be allowed back in town in a week, with identification only, but only to get essentials and clothing. You will then be asked to leave and not come …

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New Orleans Obit

Sunday, August 28th, 2005

When the weather girls are frowning, you know you’re fucked.

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Alright, alright, I confess

Sunday, August 28th, 2005

I shot Suge Knight. I was soooo drunk.

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Greenspan’s with me

Sunday, August 28th, 2005

He said that the US house-price spiral had become an economic imbalance, threatening stability like the country’s trade gap or its budget deficit.

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report from the field

Thursday, August 25th, 2005

I’m on the road, doing 60 in 60. The wind gusts throw my truck around like crazy. But I care so much for you readers that I take that chance. Wish me luck getting home. -t from 112 east

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Hot or Hashem?

Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005

The bathing beauties of Saudi Arabia bare all none

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Those crazy neighbors

Monday, August 22nd, 2005

As I was coming home I heard something like this:

*loud thud* *child screaming like it was being killed* *pause ……* *loud thud* *child screaming like it was being killed*

I was going to listen for a few minutes to see what was up, but I realized that I had to rush in to capture my epidemic epiphany, which turned into an essay, which you are about to have the displeasure of reading, and besides, who knows if maybe she was being beaten cuz she *started* crying, and I had just missed that first part. I mean if she was screaming and yelling, and then they started beating her with the cardboard box, well she fuckin’ deserved it. I’m kidding of course …

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Evolution of the epidemic; crystal is the new crack

Monday, August 22nd, 2005

Well if you’ve watched the news or read a paper you know that crystal meth is the “new epidemic.”

You see, every five years a group of hypocritical media demigods, corrupt midwestern police sargeants and power-hungry blazer-wearing politicians meet in a secret location and, while sex-torturing Polynesian boys and eating filets made from a broad sampling of the endangered species list, decide on an epidemic to create.

In the 60s it was PCP & acid, the 70s was cocaine, the 80s was crack, the 90s were ecstasy. By maintaining this wave of drug-fear they mutually ensure their own job security and, more importantly, an endless flow of government grants, hard hitting investigative reports and other miscellaneous endowments. It works well.

Amazingly, …

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